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Have fun for a minute

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URL: http://www.theequitydesk.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=866
Printed Date: 29/Apr/2024 at 5:20pm

Topic: Have fun for a minute

Posted By: chic_1978
Subject: Have fun for a minute
Date Posted: 23/Apr/2007 at 12:08pm

Have fun for a minute

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different
hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do
they do here?" He told," First they put you in an electric chair for
an
hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.
Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He
checks
out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German
hell.

Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long
line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do
here?"
He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then
they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil
comes in and beats you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly
the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting
to get in?"

"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair
does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the
devil is a Software Engineer, so he comes in, signs the register and
then goes to the Cafeteria!!!!! !

-------------
happy & wise investing

Replies:

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 11/May/2007 at 10:38pm

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are
a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after
I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 11/May/2007 at 10:47pm

Nice ones both of you ppl.

-------------
The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 2:22pm

Precious Gift

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream.

The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him.

She did so without hesitation.

The traveler left rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But, a few days later, he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said.

"I know how valuable this stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me this stone."

Sometimes it's not the wealth you have but what's inside you that others need

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 2:36pm

Sometimes it's not the wealth you have but what's inside you that others need

_________________________________________

What a wonderful thought!

-------------
'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 3:02pm

Pramod jee, excellent...just excellent post. Thank you for sharing.

-------------
The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: PKB2000
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 3:33pm

iF ANYONE WISH TO ENJOY TV18 MUCH AT THIS TIME THEY SHOULD FORGET THE STOCK PRICE AND SHOULD WATCH IT WITH UDAYAN BABU AND MITALI AND one Mr. amba.

Ver very enjoyable and especially even MM is HUM HUM HUM I liked you

THANK YOU TED!

-------------
I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. ~Pablo Picasso

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 5:28pm

Congrats to Basantjee & all TED's

It's CHAMPAGNE time folks !!!!!!!!!!! TV 18 - GBN - Network 18 - Zee News - ADLABS - PVR - ENIL ...................................................

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 6:01pm

Not yet! Miles to go before I.....hehehe

-------------
The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 16/May/2007 at 8:04pm

President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on you eh!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

George paused.. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Archie?", George asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."

President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

CANADIAN CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN!

************************************************************

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 23/May/2007 at 8:28pm

Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the pantry

and shouted into the phone :

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded:

"You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension!

Do you know who you're talking to ?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"

The trainee shouted back:

"And do you know

who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT ?"

"No!"

replied the Managing Director indignantly.

"Good!"

replied the trainee and put down the phone.

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 24/May/2007 at 6:01pm

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 28/May/2007 at 8:33pm

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 28/May/2007 at 8:44pm

Good definations there, Chic !!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: kanagala
Date Posted: 29/May/2007 at 10:32am

Any one like football.
May 26 1989.
This is the last match of 88/89 league season. Liverpool was leading the table with 3points. The goal difference of Liverpool 4 more than the goal difference of Arsenal. Arsenal had to win with 2 clear goals.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rK8XJNHbzfM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhnMHdOciag&search=Michael%20Thomas - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhnMHdO ... l%20Thomas
There is the goal, if that doesn't send chills up your spine...nothing will. Incredible moment.

Other related links:-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Lpym6_TLX0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwJJTAiS9jY

Posted By: kanagala
Date Posted: 29/May/2007 at 10:41am

Originally posted by kanagala

Any one like football.
May 26 1989.
This is the last match of 88/89 league season. Liverpool was leading the table with 3points. The goal difference of Liverpool 4 more than the goal difference of Arsenal. Arsenal had to win with 2 clear goals.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rK8XJNHbzfM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhnMHdOciag&search=Michael%20Thomas - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhnMHdO ... l%20Thomas
There is the goal, if that doesn't send chills up your spine...nothing will. Incredible moment.

Other related links:-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Lpym6_TLX0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwJJTAiS9jY

Listen to this prematch thread. You will realize what arsenal achieved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoPRTDujbnc&mode=related&search=

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 29/May/2007 at 11:19am

That goal was a stunner! Thanks for linking that up.

-------------
'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 31/May/2007 at 3:06pm

Here is the reason.
Why Newton Committed Suicide.....

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.
Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.

Guess, what he does?

He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang... the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.
Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.
(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 31/May/2007 at 6:25pm

ha ha ha, Rajnikanth & his heroics !!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 09/Jun/2007 at 1:04pm

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.

*********

Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a
departmental
mess.

*********

Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld
pest.

*********

Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is
flashed on
T-shirts.

*********

Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher
trade and
students consume.

*********

Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing
mass
market.

*********

Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out
the
worst in people.

*********

Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you
rule.

*********

Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad
for
promotion.

*********

Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about
using above
all principles.

*********

Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is
booming
business.

*********

Once upon a time the government was clean and sex was dirty, now one
doesn't
know.

*********

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 09/Jun/2007 at 1:07pm

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life when you just ran out
of words and you go...

S I L E N T??

Let me assist you in recalling...

.. the moment when you left your home for the first time and you look

back at your parents who are worried that their son/daughter are

leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards

independence.

the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you!

You don't say anything.. you just smile back.

... the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those

"numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...

... the moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the

train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the

wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...

... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told

you,"You are through! Congrats!"

... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told

everyone that you cleared that exam you prepared for 6 months!!

You can go on remembering your "special" moments!

I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those

moments.. as if it was "understood" ... happiness, joy, pain.. all

feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those

flash moments!

They say.. the best way to communicate is through "silence".

Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support.

Non-cooperation. ..

Can you imagine the importance of a silent moment in a song??

When Bryan Adams stops for a while along with music, before he goes

on in his husky voice...

... Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you!

Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that

you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake

looking at the roof of your room silently...

But you sure are 'thinking'.. . those moments of self-talk are the

most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our own

hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments

when we make our destinies!

Next time you go silent... listen carefully to what your heart is

saying.. listen to its joy...listen to its pain.. listen to its

fears.. listen to its desires..

Don't make it shut up and go off to sleep...

LISTEN TO THAT VOICE and ACCEPT EVERYTHING IT SAYS!

That voice alone can lead you to the abode of peace that your sleep

lacks... peace that awaits you!

Be in touch with your true self... be silent once a day,
every day !

Silence Speaks More Than Ur Words

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: Vivek Sukhani
Date Posted: 13/Jun/2007 at 3:22pm

Sagaai hui... Shadi Hui...

Biwi ghar main aayi...

ghar SWARG ban gaya...

aur main...SWARGWASI...

**************************************

They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is
love; after marriage it is self-defense

***************************************

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women..and then he turns them into Wives !?!!!?!

***************************************

It takes thousand workers to build a castle, Million soldiers to protect
a country. BUT Just ONE woman to make a Happy HOME!

Let's Thank KAAMWALI

***************************************

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? ==> Magnets have a
positive side!

***************************************

Ladka: Janeman iss dil mein aaja.

Ladki: Sandal nikalu kya?

Ladka: Pagli mandir thodi hi hai, aise hi aaja!!

***************************************

It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.

It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

***************************************

A person who surrenders when he's WRONG, is HONEST.

A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..

A person who surrenders even if he's RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

***************************************

Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.

Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?

Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?

Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
----------------------------------

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 13/Jun/2007 at 3:29pm

Vivek: I thought you looked at Book value and dividend yields only. Really good ones.

-------------
'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in

Posted By: Vivek Sukhani
Date Posted: 13/Jun/2007 at 3:38pm

Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago. "Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper. "But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely. "Don't fool me," replied Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free'".

One day Banta Singh was home and he went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar bottle, peeped inside and closed it. His wife was seeing this. After some time Banta again went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar Bottle, peeped inside and closed it. His wife again saw this. Banta Singh again and again did the same thing. His wife was puzzled at why did he do something like this.. So, she asked Banta, 'Why did you open the Sugar bottle, see inside and close it often?' Banta Singh replied, 'I am a Sugar Patient you know.... Our doctor advised me to check up the Sugar often'.

Posted By: Vivek Sukhani
Date Posted: 13/Jun/2007 at 3:46pm

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.
One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.
Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn
took him to the court.
The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.
He was taken to the electrocution chamber.
There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel
at one corner of the room.
The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current wasgiven
to him! .
But to everyone's amazement, he survived.
The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried
toboard the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus.
Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came
under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the
police
station, who in turn took him to the court.
The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment.
The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there
was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one
corner of the room.
He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.
This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived.
The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.
A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.
This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped
the bus.
Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries.
The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the
same judge.

Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record
the
judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber
where
there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana
peel
at one corner of the room.

He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died
instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is
perfectly logical.

If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still you couldn't,! Then see below.........

think hard

tired....

wanna know the answer????

Answer :

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,
therefore
electricity didn't pass through him.

But during the third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed
through him freely and he died!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter on
Electricity ???

Posted By: Vivek Sukhani
Date Posted: 14/Jun/2007 at 8:11am

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then

I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

******

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

******

Twinkle Twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

******

The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn't it rain on you?

******

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 14/Jun/2007 at 11:40am

Ha ha ha....

Vivek bhai, with your due permission here's a modified version:

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .

He saw me without problems, he created F&O.

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 04/Jul/2007 at 7:33pm

For those of you not resident in Australia - General [Retd] Peter Cosgrove is retired head of Australian defence forces .

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio sometime ago and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of ABC Interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL COSGROVE: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the Rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL COSGROVE: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended .

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 04/Jul/2007 at 7:34pm

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
>>students.
>>
>>      Teacher: What is your problem?
>>
>>      Boy: I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
>>third-grade and I'm smarter than she is. I think I should be in the
>>third-grade too.
>>
>>      The teacher took the boy to the principal's office. While the
>>Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
>>what the situation was.
>>
>>      The principal told her that he would give the boy a test and if
>>he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
>>first-grade and behave. She agreed.
>>
>>      The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him
>>and he agreed to take the test.
>>      Principal: What is 3 x 3?
>>
>>      Boy: 9
>>
>>      Principal: What is 6 x 6?
>>
>>      Boy: 36
>>
>>      And so it went with every question the principal thought a
>>third-grade should know. "I think the boy can go to the third-grade" ,
>>said the principal. The teacher said she had some of her own questions
>>to ask. The principal and the boy agreed.
>>
>>      Teacher: What is it that a cow has four and I have only two?
>>
>>      Boy: (after a moment) Legs.
>>
>>      Teacher: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?
>>
>>      Boy: Pockets.
>>
>>      Teacher: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
>>delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
>>
>>      Boy: Coconut.
>>
>>      Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
>>sticky? The principal's eyes openned really wide and before he could
>>stop the answer, the boy was already answering.
>>
>>      Boy: Bubblegum
>>
>>      Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
>>down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes openned really
>>wide and before he could stop the answer...
>>
>>      Boy: Shake hands.
>>
>>      Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
>>
>>
>>      Boy: Yep.
>>
>>      Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get
>>me up. I get wet before you do.
>>
>>      Boy: Tent
>>
>>      Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
>>bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking
>>restless, a bit tense and took one large vodka peg.....
>>
>>      Boy: Wedding Ring.
>>
>>      Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When
>>you blow me, you feel good.
>>      Boy: Nose
>>
>>      Teacher: I am a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
>>quiver.
>>
>>      Boy: Arrow
>>
>>      Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means
>>lot of heat and excitement?
>>
>>      Boy: Firetruck.
>>
>>      Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' and if u
>>dont get it u have to use your hand?
>>
>>      Boy: Fork.
>>
>>      Teacher : What is it that all men have one. It is longer for
>>some men than for others. The pope doesn't use his. Normally a man gives
>>it to his wife after they're married?
>>
>>      Boy: SURNAME.
>>
>>      The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
>>"Send this Boy to the University. I got the last ten questions wrong
>>myself!"

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 04/Jul/2007 at 7:39pm

This Kid will go far…

This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald's restaurant in Florida; and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME

: Greg Bulmash.

SEX:

Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION:

Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:

$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:

Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:

Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY:

Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

My incredible collection of stolen pens and 'post- it' notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:

It sucked.

AVAILABLE FOR WORK:

Of course. That's why I'm applying.

PREFERRED HOURS:

1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO

50lbs?:

50lbs. of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

I think the appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

I may already be the winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?:

On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR

KNOWLEDGE?:

Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE:

Virgo.

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: Mohan
Date Posted: 04/Jul/2007 at 4:25am

Sardar enters shop & shouts, "Where's my free gift with this oil?"

Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sardarji : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"

One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar, but the sardar denied simply saying that in our family we only marry our relatives.
My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my uncle married my aunt and so on, so please excuse me!

Two sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.

"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.So the two sardars swapped (exchanged)
their sandwiches.

A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels, but he
always started reading from the middle. A friend of his asked why he did so? "It's doubly interesting", said the sardar. "To start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning."

A sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and
Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even
though it's not the answer I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?" The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."

Saint Peter lets him in without another word...

American says " US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai."
Sardarji says " India main to shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"

What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?

Sadarji anwsers - Moti-vating..!!!

Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - "Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main use surprise doonga..!"

Dr. Chopra, psychotherapist, wanted 'sign board' to be painted in front of his clinic but our sardar painter painted "Dr. Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE
Sadarji answers -- Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai...... Doosari
bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai

Ek sardar apne bete se bola: Bevakuf, kaisa machis leke
aaya hai? Ek bhi tili nahin jalti. Beta: Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

Doctor to sardar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai?
Sardar answers: Rabri devi ka Laloo Prasad

A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in Punjab
today.......

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more.

-------------
Be fearful when others are greedy and be greedy when others are fearful.

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 10/Jul/2007 at 11:25pm

Something to ponder about........

..that letters 'a', 'b', 'c' & 'd' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99 (Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

..that letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999 (Letter 'a' comes for the first time in Thousand)

..that letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999 (Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

&
..that letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in the spellings of entire English Counting...

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 10/Jul/2007 at 11:25pm

HEADLINES DATED 1ST JAN 2023:

1. President Sonia gandhi and prime minister priyanka gandhi receive Italy
prime minister rahul gandhi.

2. Dhoom 17 ready for release.

3. I will play next world cup - sachin tendulkar

4. Salman, Vivek and Abhishek attend aishwarya's 3rd marriage.

5. Mein tau aabhi jawan hu - dev anand.

6. Petrol Rs.999/lt.

7. Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes & Baa has
completed 400yrs.

8. Coach ganguly resigns, as india went out of world cup in 1st round after
losing to korea

9 N.siddhu will launch his own TV channal where he can speak for a whole day.

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 10/Jul/2007 at 11:18am

That was a phenomenal peiece of information was all this was reported on CNBC Tv18 during opening bell because no one watches Business news as the sensex has dropped back to 22,000 after hitting that magical 60,000 mark.

The anchors Marc Faber and Jim Rogers said that there was more pain in the system.

Udayan is now starring in Kaun Banega Karodpati - 17 to tide over his financial crisis. Indicentally all his options expired worthless after he failed to encash them. He was waiting for a higher price.

Posted By: kanagala
Date Posted: 11/Jul/2007 at 1:46pm

It is not a funny thing. But something different.
Some of the things happening in us:-

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/10/AR2007071002055.html?hpid=moreheadlines

http://www.touchdownusa.org/floral/FloralProtest.html

-------------
While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior.

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 11/Jul/2007 at 3:47pm

Can you break this code?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shift three. Caps lock one. Shift six.
Tab six. Tab nine. Tab seven.
Tab four. Tab three. Caps lock one. Caps lock three.
Tab five. Caps lock six. Tab eight. Caps lock two. Shift ten.

Hint: Every sentence is a letter.

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 11/Jul/2007 at 10:25am

Chic: I deleted your post because posting adult content on the site could lead us into trouble.

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 12/Jul/2007 at 5:58pm

Have Some Fun!

QUESTION: When does a person decide to become an stockbroker?
ANSWER: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart.

The new name - Ow Jones!

You know you've gone to the wrong stockbroker when you ask him to buy 1,000 shares in IBM and he asks you how to spell it.

The best time to buy anything is last year.

What's considered enough money? Just a little bit more.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Bull Market is a random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market is a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

Economics is an extremely useful method of employment for economists.

An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Greek village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Greek on the quality of his fish and asked, "How long does it take to catch them?" The Greek replied: "Only a little while". The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Greek said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?" The Greek fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play cards with my friends, I have a full and busy life." The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Athens, then London and eventually New York where you will run your expanding enterprise." The Greek fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?" To which the American replied, "15-25 years." "But what then?" The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions." "Millions ... Then what?" The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play cards with your friends."

The safest way to double your money is to fold it and put it in your pocket.

Always play with other people's money!

Your best investments are the ones you don't make.

One becomes moral as soon as one is unhappy.

There was an investor who had three girlfriends, but he didn't know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the investor, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and then decided. QUESTION: Who did the investor marry? ANSWER: (from right to left) !stit tseggib eht htiw eno ehT

At a country-club party a young stockbroker was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. "Look," she said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," the young stockbroker declared. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the brokerage firm where your father has his account."

Stockbroker: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Stockbroker: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Stockbroker: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second ...

A young stockbroker decided to take a day off and visit some of his professors in his old school. When he made his way into the entrance he noticed a dog was attacking a small child. He quickly grabbed the dog and throttled it with his two hands. The next day the local newspaper reported the story with the headline, "Valiant student saves boy from ferocious dog." The stockbroker called the editor and strongly suggested that a correction be issued and that the paper will tell the readers he was a successful Wall Street stockbroker and not a student. The next day the newspaper issued a correction and the headline read, "Pompous stockbroker kills school mascot."

There was a tremendous turnaround in the market today. A stock brocker who jumped out of a window on the twelfth floor, saw a computer screen on the seventh floor and did a U-turn.

Investment Quotes for ...

12 months ago if you had bought 1,000 worth of ABC stock you would now have 35. If you had bought 1,000 worth of beer you would now have 41 worth of empty beer cans. Therefore... Invest in beer!

Murphy's Laws

A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 12/Jul/2007 at 8:30pm

Tyler

You are in full form today....going after brokers!!

By the way, unable to break the 'code'. Could you post the answer?

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 12/Jul/2007 at 8:33pm

kulman ji use your keyboard as a grid....with caps, tab and shift in verticle rows...and taking 1-9 as a single horizontal row....

for eg: shift+5 would be B
tab + 3 would be E

hope you can crack it now...

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 12/Jul/2007 at 8:37pm

i wud love to be after their daughters...

...hope she will inherit few million dollars

i read under commodities that girls will be the multibagger commodity in few years from now....so that even makes me more positive about it..

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 12/Jul/2007 at 8:43pm

Originally posted by tyler_durden

Can you break this code?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shift three. Caps lock one. Shift six.
Tab six. Tab nine. Tab seven.
Tab four. Tab three. Caps lock one. Caps lock three.
Tab five. Caps lock six. Tab eight. Caps lock two. Shift ten.

Hint: Every sentence is a letter.

-------------------------------------------------------

can = Shift three. Caps lock one. Shift six.
you = Tab six. Tab nine. Tab seven.
read = Tab four. Tab three. Caps lock one. Caps lock three
this? = Tab five. Caps lock six. Tab eight. Caps lock two. Shift ten.

-------------------------------------------------------

kulman ji that is the answer

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 22/Jul/2007 at 5:34pm

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/quote_thought/message/135;_ylc=X3oDMTJxaTd2Y2NxBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE4MTAzMTY5BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNTEyNTQwOQRtc2dJZAMxMzUEc2VjA2Rtc2cEc2xrA3Ztc2cEc3RpbWUDMTE4NDU3MzI5Ng-- - -

*When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from
Vajpayee. After returning 2 US
he wrote it in his personal Diary which has been recently found
(courtesy
PTI). These
are excerpts from his diary:*

* Ramayana by Bill Gates...

LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-
rat.
Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens
gave an
OUTPUT of four SUNs - RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the
eldest
was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were
only
PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess C ta.

12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor.
However, Queen CIE/CAE (Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon by
DOS-rat
for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the
instigation of
her BIOSed maid and insisted that her son Bug-rath be INSTALLED and
that
RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years. At this cruel and
unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he CRASHED like
unstable version of AI MSN does in intel.

RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and C ta insisted to LOGIN with him.
LSI-man
also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the
dwelling
SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka.
Attracted by
RAM, she proposed that he should marry her. RAM, politely declined,
perceiving C ta to be his SOURCE CODE. She hastened to kill her but
LSI-man cut her inportant PERIPHERALS. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to
LAN-ka, where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR s plight, approached his
uncle
MAR-icha. MAR- icha REPROGRAMED himself to form a golden stag and
drew RAM
deep into the forest. Finally, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last
breath, cried out for LSI-man in voice of RAM s SOUND CARD. Fooled by
this
VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, C ta urged LSI-man to his brother s aid. Catching
the
opportunity, RAW-van DELINKED C ta from her LIBRARY and changed her
ROOT
DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.

------------ --------- ---INTERVAL- --------- --------- ---------

RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing C ta all over the
forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR
Akshat
sorry... SU-greev and his powerful co-processor HaNEUMAN. who agreed
to
help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful SEARCH
techniques learnt in CS130 to FIND the missing C ta. His PROGRAMMERS
SEARCHED allaround the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to EXCITE
the
birds and animals not to forget the WEBCRAWLERS (Insects) and tried to
INFOSEEK something about C ta. Some of them even shouted YAA-HOO but
they
all ended up with NO FOUND MESSAGES Google, Lycos nothing was left
untouched. The only thing they forgot was to mail iitcse01 & get PTI s
help. Ha-NEUMAN then devised a RISCy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross
the
seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself
into
LAN-ka. Ha-NEUMAN found C ta under a brown - green (as Brahma will
call
it) TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used the LOGIN ID (ring) to identify
himself
to C ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, C ta asked him to send STATUS_OK
MESSAGE to RAM.

Meanwhile all raakshasa BUGS around C ta captured Ha-NEUMAN to DELETE
him
using everything including Ctrl-Alt-Del. But Ha-NEUMAN spread chaos by
spreading VIRUS Fire . Ha-NEUMAN pressed ESCAPE from LAN-kaand &
conveyed
all the
STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take RAM head-
on.
One of the RAW-wan s SUN almost DELETED LSI-man with a Brahma -astra.
But
Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE- Xgradients and REFORMATTED LSI-
man. RAM
used the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-wan and wiped out RAW-wan s
presence
on earth. Later, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his USER
FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and everyone lived happily ever after,
playing & enjoying AOE.

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 22/Jul/2007 at 6:14pm

Excellent work.

Almost fell off my chair reading that.

-------------
'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in

Posted By: BubbleVision
Date Posted: 22/Jul/2007 at 8:43pm

This is MOD(em)ern Rayamana!

-------------
You can't make money if you are unwilling to lose...It's like willing to breathe in but not willing to breathe out. -- ED SEYKOTA ....Read Disclaimer!

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 23/Jul/2007 at 7:27pm

Koi Farq nahi albatta...

It's funny when people discuss the benefits of LOVE MARRIAGE v/s ARRANGED MARRIAGE. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered!!

Posted By: India_Bull
Date Posted: 23/Jul/2007 at 7:32pm

Excellent one pramodjee,

but some people prefer to have slow and silent death than the other way round !!

-------------
India_Bull forever Bull !
www.kapilcomedynights.com

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 25/Jul/2007 at 12:18pm

*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/enjoythemasti/join/ -
*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~* ~*~*~*~*~ *

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/enjoythemasti/join/ -
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/enjoythemasti/join/ -
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/enjoythemasti/join/ - -
-
Lie Detector

One day Jack's dad bought a robot.

The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Jack returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".

Jack answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped Jack on his face.

His dad told him, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied now come on tell me the truth, " Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie",

"Which movie?"

"The Ten Commandments" ,

Splatt... Jack got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie Sex Queen."

"Shame on you son when I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Jack's mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "After all he is your son, he will be like you"

The robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Jack's mothers face.

Dont ask what the moral of the story is ???????????? ???????

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 25/Jul/2007 at 10:03pm

Ha ha !!

Tyler...imagine that Robot is kept in TV18 studios and when some expert says "My sense is..." how hard would that Robot slap!!!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 25/Jul/2007 at 10:49pm

Ant & Grasshopper

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Modern Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes ' Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice '.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...
The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley .
100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country !!!

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 25/Jul/2007 at 12:41pm

Excellent post US121 jee. But many grasshoppers I feel are genuinely ant-material but they are exploited or are suppressed by the system. Of course one should strive to achieve what they want no matter what, but still point is there are many exploited grasshoppers. By grasshoppers I mean "genuinely hard-working people" and not the typical "enjoying summer and playing around" types.

-------------
The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 25/Jul/2007 at 1:05am

Originally posted by kulman

<FONT face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size=2>Ha ha !!

Tyler...imagine that Robot is kept in TV18 studios and when some expert says "My sense is..." how hard would that Robot slap!!!

-------------------------------------------------------

great presense of mind

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 28/Jul/2007 at 12:31pm

DEAR ALL

In Memory of all those who love their bosses !

A guy phones up his Boss,
but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week."
she explains. The next day the
man calls again and asks for
the boss. "I told you" the wife replies,
"he died last week." The next day
he calls again and once more
asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting
upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY
TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,
YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

He replied laughing,

"I just love hearing it..."

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 08/Aug/2007 at 12:46pm

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 10/Aug/2007 at 8:51pm

This will really make you think,click on the day button when you open...

http://www.chippynews.com/worldclock.htm - Click here: World Clock

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: catcall
Date Posted: 12/Aug/2007 at 2:21pm

Good link kulman, the no of births and deaths ticking along has a very sobering ad humbling effect....

-------------
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate-when he can't afford it and when he can-Happy investing!

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 12/Aug/2007 at 7:49am

Sunday Times carried http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Opinion/Sunday_Specials/The_most_annoying_expressions/articleshow/2274763.cms - this interesting article :

The most annoying expressions

It is in the nature of most human statements and all onions that if you keep peeling them you will be left with no matter. Words come together and seem to imply a common truth but when probed deeper they usually lead to nothing.

For example, what does 'digital divide' mean? It is catchy and so its implication has caught on. But the distinction between the rich and the poor is an ancient phenomenon which is least meaningfully expressed through ownership of computers. In fact, the expression 'rich-poor divide' itself is meaningless because nobody is rich unless there are the poor, and no one is poor unless there are the rich. The divide is the very definition. Yet, so powerful is nonsense that the very idea of digital-divide has made the Indian government foolishly spend crores on procuring computers for starving farmers.

In the list below are more such annoying expressions free India has used excessively. Some of them do not make sense. Some used to make sense. Some do explain an idea but they have been used so much by all kinds of people that they have lost their meaning.

Anti-incumbency Factor
Usually used by psephologists when they want to say, 'we don't understand these bloody illiterate voters'.

Indomitable spirit of Mumbai
The habit of people in the financial capital taking the trains a day after a terrorist strike or biblical floods. The expression is usually used by people who do not take the trains.

Indian culture
Used chiefly by Indian males who have not read enough to know that other nations too have culture. The expression is always invoked to address the modernity of women.

I am in search of my identity
A ritualistic quote of creative people when they have just become famous. Usually delivered from the other end of the alimentary canal.

I was misquoted
A statement of a celebrity in reaction to his or her quote in a newspaper after parents and friends took offence.

Off-the-record
"I may be lying"

Paradigm Shift
An expression used by MBA graduates when they want to say that they do not know what they are talking about. It is often accompanied by 'synergy' and 'leverage'. LOL

A - Abhi-ash, Austerity drive, Anti-communal forces, 'Astrology is a science, you know', 'Ancient Indians knew the distance between the Sun and...blah blah'
B - Bandobast, Big B, Breaking News, Bollywood takes the west by storm, Bowled a googly, Bra-panty
C - Caste no bar, Cricket is a religion, Cutting edge
E - Encounter, Evergreen Hero, Dev Anand, Endless cycles of life, Everything is maya
F - Foreign hand, Fast-unto-death, Foreign coach, Fair girl from good family seeks...
G - Give-me-a-missed call, God is One, Gandhigiri, Gen-X
H - Heavy to very heavy rains are predicted,
'Hinduism is not a religion, it is a way of life', Horn OK Please, Homely girl
I - Indian heritage, IT boom, Item girl, Innocent divorcee
'I don't believe in God but I believe in a force'
Institution of marriage, 'I'll intimate you'
J - Just friends, 'Juggernaut is from Jagannath'
M - Masterblaster, Middle-middle class, 'Money is not everything', Movers and Shekhar
N - Naya paisa, Nirvana, Nothing matters
O - Only time will tell
P - Publicity stunt, Partnership-breaker (Agarkar), Paramour, ...People, including women and children, Past life, Pin-drop silence, Pre-marital sex
R - Running around trees, Regional superpower, Red tape, Rebirth, Rain sequence, Reliable sources
S - Secularism, Software Superpower, Southern siren, Sporting wicket, Starlet
T - Tinseltown, 'This film is different', Time-pass, Thunder thighs, Ton-dulkar, Truth wins in the end
V - Vegetarian joke, VIP, VVIP
W - We are all one, Wheatish complexion, 'What is your good name?' We are not a nation of snake charmers, 'What strikes you about him is his humility'

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: catcall
Date Posted: 20/Aug/2007 at 7:03pm

It was at a party and the host was getting worried because there were too many people and not enough refreshments. She was sure that not all of these people had been invited but didn't know how to tell which ones were the crashers. Then her husband got an idea....

He turned to the crowd of guests and said "Will those who are from the brides side of the family stand up please?" about twenty people stood.

Then he asked " Will those who are from the groom side of the family stand up as well?" about twenty five people stood up.

The He smiled and said
-
-
-

"Will all those who stood please leave, This is a birthday party.!!!

-------------
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate-when he can't afford it and when he can-Happy investing!

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 21/Aug/2007 at 8:47pm

Have you ever experienced being rejected by somebody whom you admired most or tried to reject the person whom you don’t really like personally? How did you handle it? Below are some list of differences between male and female’s way of rejection. Funny but too truthful to accept.

First, let’s talk about THE FEMALE WAY

When she said:
I think of you as a brother.
She actually wanted to say (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance. “)

If she said:
There’s a slight difference in our ages.
That means (I don’t want you to be my dad)

If she will tell you:
I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
Please bear in mind that she wanted to tell you (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.)

And if she will say:
My life is too complicated right now.
Actually it’s not as complicated as what you’re thinking of but it she just don’t want you guys spending time with her or else you may hear phone calls from the guys she is seeing. That’s it!

Now, if she will tell you :
I’ve got a boyfriend.
That actually means (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s).

When she said:
I don’t date men where I work.
That’s the most polite word that she can utter but the truth is she wanted to tell you (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

And if she will tell you:
It’s not you, it’s me.
Actually (It’s you.)

If she said:
I’m concentrating on my career.
No..no…no…that means (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

If she will say:
I’m celibate.
Huh, she respects you but this is what she wanted to tell you (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

And the number one rejection line given by women is:
LET’S BE FRIENDS
The thing is she just want you to stay around so she can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men she meet)

Now lets talk about the MALE WAY OF REJECTION

If a man said:
I think of you as a sister.
He means (You’re ugly.)

When he told you:
There’s a slight difference in our ages.
That also means (You’re ugly.)

If he said:
I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
He still means (You’re ugly.)

And if he will say:
My life is too complicated right now.
he actually wanted to say (You’re ugly.)

If he will tell you:
I’ve got a girlfriend.
He actually wanted to say (You’re ugly and she is more beautiful than you.)

And if he said:
I don’t date women where I work.
That still means (You’re ugly.)

If he will say:
It’s not you, it’s me.
Well, he still wanted to say (You’re ugly.)

If he told you:
I’m concentrating on my career.
Take note, that still means (You’re ugly.)

When he say:
I’m celibate.
He still means (You’re ugly.)

Now, if he will tell you:
Let’s be friends
Bear in mind that he wanted to say (You’re sinfully ugly!)

So ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll hear this kind of statement from someone you love, then I think you already knew how to handle it, just remember not to believe everything you hear because it’s actually means the other way around.

NOW, tell me who’s the worst evil, MALE or FEMALE?

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: us121
Date Posted: 28/Aug/2007 at 6:01pm

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only - E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DILIP VENGSARKAR

When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA

When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY

When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

-------------
ABILITY will get u at d top. CHARACTER will retain u at d top

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 28/Aug/2007 at 6:47pm

Interesting one, us121...

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 28/Aug/2007 at 11:19am

THIS IS JUST SUPERB - KNOW YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway - but your waiter may know YOUR AGE BY DINNER & RESTAURANT MATHS

This is pretty neat. DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!

It takes less than a minute Work this out as you read.Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757 .... If you haven't, add 1756.

Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 29/Aug/2007 at 12:57pm

Yeah Chic...it works. Each year there are such unique formulas which work due to pure maths.

In fact I used to tell friends not to pick the number of times a week they would like to go out to eat but some other activities to make it more exciting.

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: nil5624
Date Posted: 29/Aug/2007 at 10:11pm

YES IT WORKED GOOD 1

-------------
PLZ READ THE OFFER DOCUMENT B4 INVESTING.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 31/Aug/2007 at 4:39pm

KAT GOT YOUR TONGUE

Katrina: Darling! Do you know where I put my new dress? I rifled through my whole cupboard and couldn't find it.

Salman: AaaaH! Please don't use that word.

K: You don't like cupboard?

S: No! No! The other one!

K: Rifled?

S: Aaaah! Don't use it.

K: Okay! I only wanted to wear the dress for the talent hunt where I am
invited.

S: Oooh! Not even that word. I get a headache.

K: You are allergic to talent? But that is why you liked me in the first
place.

S: Don't be silly. You and talent don't go together. But I meant the other
word.

K: Oh! Now you cannot tolerate 'hunt'?

S: Oooh! Please spare me.

K: Okay. Don't get hyper.

S: Did you say heifer?

K: No.

S: Thank god.

K: But I must find my dress. I paid a lot of money for it. Everything has
become so dear nowadays.

S: Eeeps! Not that word too.

K: I thought you liked money.

S: Not money. That other thing.

K: You mean dear.

S: (Clamping both hands to his ears) No! No! No!

K: But I shelled out so many bucks for it!

S: Oh! Now your are using two words!

K: Bucks and shelled?

S: Stop torturing me.

K: Okay dear.

S: Aaaarggh!

---Kishore Shah

Source: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BS_from_KS_Veg/message/4141 - BS from KS

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 31/Aug/2007 at 4:44pm

Good one.

-------------
'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 31/Aug/2007 at 4:45pm

Performance Pressure ::::

Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya
"Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band "
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek ne sirf ek anda diya "
Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya " .
.
.
..
.
.
Jawab mila .
.
..
..
..
..
..
..
.
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
..

"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon"

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 31/Aug/2007 at 4:52pm

"Sir ye aapke dar ki wajah se diya hai waise main to Murga hoon"

---------------------------------------------------------

Ha ha ha ha ha

Just imagine the expressions on the faces of that Murga & the boss !!!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 31/Aug/2007 at 5:00pm

boss is a person who thinks 9 women can produce a baby in 1 month....

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: nil5624
Date Posted: 12/Sep/2007 at 11:57pm

DILIP VENGSARKAR

When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA

When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY

When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS

-------------
PLZ READ THE OFFER DOCUMENT B4 INVESTING.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 13/Sep/2007 at 4:42pm

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had a hand in it.

Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.

The father replied, "Sure, do that before I kill them!"

The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.

The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.

Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"

Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"

The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in Big trouble."

The older boy asked, "What do you mean, Big trouble?"

His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it!"

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 13/Sep/2007 at 11:44pm

The http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1121137 - governor of a central Russian province urges couples to skip work and make love instead to help boost Russia’s low birth-rate . And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time — on Russia’s national day on June 12 — she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

The http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1121138 - import of eligible bachelors from India is my big geopolitical idea, says Maria Arbatova, a prominent television presenter. Indian men promise to be the ideal spouses for Russian women.

-----------------------------------------

After BPO, KPO....what kind of OUTSOURCING would that be known as...........SPO, XPO ???

Okay...now I realise why many Indian youngsters are enrolling for Russian Language classes.

Tyler...do you know this language? You were tracking Kazhakstan, right?

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: smartcat
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 12:42pm

Russians are our old friends. In this time of difficulty, they want our help. It is my duty to help them. I'm off to Russia.

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 12:56pm

Hahaha! Okay sir, tatata..bye bye! Njoy karna!

-------------
The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 1:39pm

Ha ha ha...A friend in need is........!!

I was just wondering how those children would be named?

Like.........

Raju Outsorsaski

Bunty Brezhnev

Shanti Sharapova

Yuri Yadav

Mikhail Mukerjee

and the list goes on......

Due to minor aged readers, the names listed here are obviously censored. For a detailed list, interested naughty members may send PM to yours truly!!!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 2:18pm

Originally posted by kulman

The http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1121137 - governor of a central Russian province urges couples to skip work and make love instead to help boost Russia’s low birth-rate . And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time — on Russia’s national day on June 12 — she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

The http://www.dnaindia.com/report.asp?newsid=1121138 - import of eligible bachelors from India is my big geopolitical idea, says Maria Arbatova, a prominent television presenter. Indian men promise to be the ideal spouses for Russian women.

-----------------------------------------

After BPO, KPO....what kind of OUTSOURCING would that be known as...........SPO, XPO ???

Okay...now I realise why many Indian youngsters are enrolling for Russian Language classes.

Tyler...do you know this language? You were tracking Kazhakstan, right?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kulman ji mujhe to bas pyaar ki bhasha ati hai ..

main chala russia

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 2:30pm

..mujhe to bas pyaar ki bhasha ati hai...

----------------------------------------------------

Hmmm...as the song goes...

Paan Bidi Cigarette Tambakhu naa Sharaab

Humko toh nasha hain Mohabbat ka janaab !!

P.S.: For some Mungerilals....the version is...

Paan Bidi Cigarette Tambakhu naa Sharaab

Humko toh nasha hain Leveraging ka janaab !!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 3:05pm

bilkul sahi gana likha aapne mere lie...

-------------
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: catcall
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 8:04pm

Bhikari- : sahab ek rupiya de do.

Sahab- :tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte?

Bhikari- : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?

-------------
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate-when he can't afford it and when he can-Happy investing!

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 8:52pm

ha ha ha

Kuchh log Office bhi kholte hain....phir IPO nikaalte hain.....aur phir uske Investors bhikaari ban jaate hain !!

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: catcall
Date Posted: 14/Sep/2007 at 10:03am

Good anlaogy, kulman!

-------------
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate-when he can't afford it and when he can-Happy investing!

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 17/Sep/2007 at 4:59pm

A first grade school teacher in Virginia had twenty-five students in her Class.

She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.

Their insight may surprise you.

While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds,
because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses..........................................until they stop running.

2. Strike while the..................................................bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before.................................Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of ..................termites

5. You can lead a horse to water but ........ ........... How?

6 Don't bite the hand that ....................................looks dirty.

7. No news is........................................................impossible.

8. A miss is as good as a..................................... Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new........................Math

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll .......................stink in the
morning.

11. Love all, trust ................................................ Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the .............................pigs.

13. An idle mind is.................................................the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's ..........................pollution.

15. Happy the bride who....... ................................gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is ............................................not much.

17. Two's company, three's ............................... The Musketeers

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .....................You put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and................You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as . ......................... Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not .................... spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed . ..........................Get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you .........See in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind .........................Get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one!

25. Better late than..............................................Pregnant

-------------
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 17/Sep/2007 at 7:36pm

Amazing....Kya beautiful bachche hain. Puppy dene ko jee karta har ek ko.

-------------
The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: tyler_durden
Date Posted: 25/Sep/2007 at 6:35pm

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!

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If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 26/Sep/2007 at 9:51pm

Consequences
[Monday, September 24, 2007 08:49:18 am ]

var doweshowbellyad=0;

Q: If a devil catches ur wifr, wat wud u do?
A: U can do nothin. If devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.

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"We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy only when others are fearful."

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 26/Sep/2007 at 9:52pm

What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi.

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"We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy only when others are fearful."

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 26/Sep/2007 at 9:55pm

Doctor - You look exactly like my third wife.
Lady - How many wives do you have?
Doctor - Two.

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"We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy only when others are fearful."

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 26/Sep/2007 at 9:56pm

तुम सदा हंसते रहो, हंसाते रहो
खुश रहो, झूमते रहो, नाचते रहो,
गाते रहो, गुनगुनाते रहो,
हमें क्या, लोग तुम्हें ही पागल कहेंगे...

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"We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy only when others are fearful."

Posted By: pramodjain
Date Posted: 26/Sep/2007 at 9:57pm

स्कूल में इश्क का माहौल हो गया
क्लास टीचर को पप्पू से प्यार हो गया
इस बात से सारी क्लास उदास है,
सारी क्लास फेल और पप्पू पास हो गया

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"We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy, and greedy only when others are fearful."

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 27/Sep/2007 at 2:02pm

~*~Type Of Girls~*~

HARD DISK GIRLS:

she remembers everything, FOREVER

RAM GIRLS:

she forget about you, the moment turn her off

WINDOW GIRLS:

everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live

without her.

SCREENSAVER GIRLS:

She is good for nothing but at least she is fun

INTERNET GIRLS:

Difficult to access

SERVER GIRLS:

Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS:

She make horrible thing look beautiful

CD-ROM GIRLS:

She is always faster and faster.

EMAIL GIRLS:

Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .

VIRUS GIRLS:

Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes,

install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall

her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will

lose everything...

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happy & wise investing

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 27/Sep/2007 at 2:06pm

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only - This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.

Are you male or female?

To find out the answer, look down...

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -

Look down, not scroll down

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happy & wise investing

Posted By: catcall
Date Posted: 27/Sep/2007 at 8:10pm

Enjoy!

A BRIDGE TOO FAR

The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and
strenuously you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several
centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of
the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an
amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad built by
Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even before they
could stick the posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your
grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the
sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was ever
used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."

Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the
bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot of
money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more money on
construction. "

Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our
case"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us
to submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or school
leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times in
bullock carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as the
address proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is itself under
litigation for over half a century, If I go in a traditional attire with
bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize me but Arjun Singh may
take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer a seat at IIT under the
reserved category. Also, a God cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece
suit and announce his arrival. It would make even the devotees suspicious. So
it is dilemma so to say."

"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."

"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce
the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and how
the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is accepted
without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless a doctor
certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present himself
personally
but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has to produce a
life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that complicated."

"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given
darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint
Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still
they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only
option,
I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government records
straight once for all."

Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may
look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama
Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was
in
the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on earth
as long as Salman Khan is around."

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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate-when he can't afford it and when he can-Happy investing!

Posted By: kulman
Date Posted: 27/Sep/2007 at 9:28pm

Nice one, CatCall.

As per last unconfirmed reports, there is another dispute now over whether the original bridge contract was on BOT or BOOT or other terms?

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Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 01/Oct/2007 at 6:59pm

Indians are so full of love. Even with rivals, we demonstrate so much affection. http://www.dekhona.com/videos/ahfdgtqnv - This video proves it

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The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: smartcat
Date Posted: 01/Oct/2007 at 7:07pm

No wonder he pushed away Sharad Pawar. He doesn't trust people who come on stage to shake his hands.

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 01/Oct/2007 at 7:23pm

Hahahaha!

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The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: chic_1978
Date Posted: 01/Oct/2007 at 11:29am

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fun_and_fun_only -

-------------
happy & wise investing

Posted By: jacobanoop
Date Posted: 03/Oct/2007 at 8:07pm

Good one.

-------------
Anoop

Posted By: omshivaya
Date Posted: 06/Oct/2007 at 2:33pm

This image is not animated(Watch left to right, top to down)

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The most important quality for an investor is temperament,not intellect.A temperament that neither derives great pleasure from being with the crowd nor against it

Posted By: basant
Date Posted: 06/Oct/2007 at 3:55pm

It does look like one!

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'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in

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